The Duality Within
Two Sides To Every Story - Two Sides To Every Person
In one of my favourite TV shows, the protagonist narrated a quote about how there are two sides to every story—and every person. That idea resonated with me deeply and serves as the inspiration for this blog post. In society, there aren’t many spaces where showcasing our flaws is encouraged. Yet, embracing our full selves—both the light and the dark—can be a radical, empowering act. Let’s dive into the depths of this duality and gain a better understanding of who we truly are.
Just as there are two sides to every story, there are two sides to every individual: the one we reveal to others, and the one we guard closely within. This dichotomy—between the outer self and the hidden self—reflects the complex dance between light and darkness, good and evil, that exists in every human being. It’s a silent, internal tug-of-war, a balance we constantly navigate.
The outer self
Our outer self is often carefully curated, a reflection of how we want to be perceived by others. It’s the version of ourselves that conforms to societal expectations, fits within social norms, and aligns with the roles we play - whether as professionals, friends, or family members. It also helps keep us safe, allowing us to adapt to the environments we find ourselves in.
This outer self is shaped by external influences: cultural values, upbringing, and the pressure to fit in. It’s where we display our strengths, our achievements, and even our flaws, but only in a controlled way. We carefully choose what aspects of our personality to reveal, often filtering out our deeper, more complex emotions or impulses. This version of us can be authentic to some extent, but it’s usually just a piece of the puzzle, not the whole picture.
We project kindness, competence, and confidence, but beneath the surface, there’s often a world of inner conflict, doubts, and desires we may not fully understand - or feel safe enough to express.
The hidden self: our inner world
This is the part of us that we don’t allow to see the light of day, at least, not fully. It’s where our fears, insecurities, darker impulses, and unspoken dreams reside. These internal shadows are often shaped by the experiences we’ve had, the pains we’ve endured, or the emotions we’ve repressed because they don’t align with the image we want to present.
In her work on vulnerability, Brené Brown highlights how the hidden self can also be the source of our greatest strength. It holds the raw, unfiltered truth of who we are when no one is watching. This is the side of us that carries deep emotional intelligence, untapped potential, and the capacity for both profound kindness and intense anger. We often hide these aspects because they make us feel vulnerable or because we fear they’ll be judged or misunderstood.
Yet, just as darkness and light are not enemies but necessary opposites, this hidden self is not inherently bad.
The balance between good and evil
We are all capable of acts of kindness and generosity, but we are also capable of harm, whether through words or actions. The duality within us reflects this universal truth: the potential for both good and evil exists in every person.
This balance isn’t about choosing one side over the other, but about understanding that we are made up of both light and darkness. It’s the choices we make that determine which side dominates, but denying either side leads to inner turmoil. A person who suppresses their darker impulses may find them surfacing in unhealthy ways, while someone overwhelmed by their shadow may struggle to let their light shine.
Embracing the duality
Why should we embrace both sides? The beauty of accepting our duality is that it leads to a more authentic life. When we acknowledge the full spectrum of who we are, our strengths and weaknesses, the good and the bad, we give ourselves the opportunity to grow and evolve in a holistic way. We become more empathetic toward others and ourselves, realising that everyone carries this internal push and pull, this yin and yang.
The more we deny or suppress certain aspects of who we are, the more disconnected we become from ourselves. True peace doesn’t come from pretending we are only good, or that our darker impulses don’t exist, but from accepting that we are both. Our inner complexity is what makes us fully human.
Key Takeaway
You are not simply one thing. You are a collection of opposites, a balance of good and evil, light and darkness. And within this balance lies the essence of who you truly are.
In accepting this duality, you can find a deeper understanding of both yourself and those around you. Always remember: we all walk the fine line between the two sides of our own stories.
