Knowing When to Let Go: The Power of Logical Hope
Inspired by Dr Henry Cloud’s Necessary Endings
Life is full of choices, challenges, and transitions. One of the hardest decisions we often face is knowing when to let go - whether it’s a relationship, a friendship, or a job that simply isn’t working. It can be difficult to distinguish between holding on because we genuinely believe things will improve, and staying stuck in situations out of emotional attachment or fear of change.
I was inspired to write about the concept of "logical hope," which came from Dr Henry Cloud’s book Necessary Endings. I want to explore the idea of holding on to something only if there is "logical hope" that it can improve. Gaining a better understanding of this concept could help us make healthier decisions in life.
What is Logical Hope?
Logical hope is the kind of hope grounded in reality, evidence, and rational thought. It’s different from wishful thinking, which often keeps us tied to situations that are unlikely to change. Logical hope requires us to take an honest look at the facts - past behaviour, patterns, and the likelihood of real improvement. If there is no rational reason to believe that something will change, then continuing to invest time and energy into it is not only unwise but harmful.
Take Hayden and Jack, for instance. They’ve been friends for years, but Hayden has started to feel that their friendship is one-sided. Jack often makes Hayden feel like an afterthought. Hayden has spoken to Jack about this more than once, and while Jack always apologises and promises to change, the same behaviour continues. Hayden hopes things will improve, but after months of disappointment, it’s become clear that nothing has really shifted.
If the pattern of behaviour remains unchanged despite numerous conversations, then it may be time for Hayden to let go and move on.
The Dangers of Wishful Thinking
Clinging to situations out of hope that isn’t grounded in reality can be damaging. Wishful thinking often leads us to stay in harmful relationships or stagnant careers, convincing ourselves that if we just hold on a little longer, things will magically change.
As Dr Cloud rightly points out, endings are a natural part of life, and avoiding them can keep us stuck. Necessary endings allow for new beginnings, personal growth, and healthier opportunities to enter our lives. When we cling to false hope, we miss out on these possibilities.
How to Identify Logical Hope
Here are a few ways to determine whether you are holding onto logical hope or simply hoping for the best without any real evidence:
Look for Patterns: Examine the history of the situation. Has there been any real change, or are you seeing the same problems repeat? If, despite your efforts, the same negative outcome continues, this is a sign that there is no logical hope for improvement.
Assess the Plan for Change: Is there a concrete plan for improvement, and are the people involved committed to that plan? If change is only promised but never materialises, or if those responsible show no real commitment to it, it may be time to consider letting go.
Evaluate Your Energy: How much emotional, physical, and mental energy are you spending trying to fix the situation? If the effort is consistently one-sided, it may be a sign that your investment isn’t being reciprocated, and continuing to hold on is draining you without any reward.
Embracing Necessary Endings
One of the key messages from Necessary Endings is that endings are not failures. They are often the doorway to positive change. By letting go of what no longer serves us, we open up space for new opportunities—ones that may bring growth, fulfilment, and happiness.
When you realise there’s no logical hope for improvement, moving on isn’t an act of defeat - it’s an act of courage. Letting go of something that isn’t working opens the door to something better. By walking away, you’re not losing; you’re gaining the freedom to build something new, armed with the knowledge and experience from the situation you’ve left behind. With that insight, you have the power to create healthier, more fulfilling connections and opportunities.
Conclusion: Let Go, and Let Growth Happen
Dr Henry Cloud’s insights remind us that staying in a bad situation isn’t an act of strength or loyalty; it’s often a sign that we are afraid of change. But logical hope gives us permission to assess situations with clarity. If there’s no real evidence of positive change on the horizon, it’s time to embrace an ending - not as a failure, but as a necessary step.
Wishful thinking limits our potential and prevents us from experiencing the new opportunities that life has to offer. So take the time to assess your life honestly. Where are you holding onto false hope? And what would happen if you gave yourself permission to embrace necessary endings?
From the depths, a lotus blooms anew.
